Reasons I am moving out of Orlando.

Yup. Reasons I am moving out of Orlando:

  • Orlando caters too much to tourism. I fucking hate Mickey Mouse.
  • Walt Disney World does not exist to me anymore.
  • I do not want to see people I used to know around town anymore.
  • I don’t like living in a city where criminal court cases become sensationalized media circuses. That’s nothing to be proud of.
  • My current place of employment is emotionally destroying me
  • I feel like I (Chris Big Money) am not a good fit for Orlando’s music scene.
  • People do not go to shows out here, or if they do, they only stick to venues they know. Where’s the sense of adventure people?
  • I don’t do well with cliques, which is what Orlando’s infrastructure is composed of. Whether you’re a small outcasted bar-hopping musician (me), or whether you’re living in 57 West.
  • You have to “rub elbows and be willing to give the promoter/venue booking agent a blow job” to get shows out here. The same people get booked in the DJ scene out here, or it’s the same three types of music you hear at the clubs.
  • The night clubs here are horrible. Especially if you’re into the indie/alternative scene.
  • I’m sorry, but I hate BBQ Bar. (I’m fine with the other 3 clubs in that quadrant)
  • “It’s either you dress in casual clothes in swanky upscale clubs or you look like you’re homeless but in reality you drive a late 2000’s car and you live in a house in Downtown.”
  • There isn’t enough artsiness in Orlando, which is kind of important to me.
  • Why did the city spend millions (wasn’t it near a billion) on a new arena (Amway Center), when kids can’t even wipe their asses since toilet paper is on not on the school budget?
  • Also going to the Amway Center is NOT CHEAP. (I spent $300 to see Lady Gaga last year there)
  • Things are segregated here in Orlando.
  • I would feel more motivated with a new geography around me.
  • I want to make new friends with my own similar interests. It is a very daunting task to find friends in Orlando now a days.
  • The job market in Orlando is terrible.
  • I want to be in a place where people embrace small businesses
  • I want to live in a city that doesn’t laugh at you for wanting to be a musician.
  • The after-hours scene in Orlando just simply sucks. I have become a “night-owl” over the years, but I still have to force myself to go to bed at 4am (sometimes 2 am, and never before midnight) because there is nowhere to go.
  • I feel there is a huge barrier with people here in Orlando. Socially, culturally, financially, even racially. People are very ignorant and stupid here in Orlando.
  • Look at the different neighborhoods in Orlando (UCF, Pine Hills, Baldwin Park, Celebration, MetroWest, OBT, etc.) and see how divided everything is, especially with people. Segregation people.
    People with niche hobbies in Orlando are forced to go to other cities, which is terrible.
  • Orlando is so conservative in nature. I get stared at almost everywhere I go, even when I have toned down my dress/appearance considerably over the years.
  • The city is too spread out and it’s public transportation is shit if you don’t drive a car. (I spent many years riding the LYNX before I was driving)
  • The UCF side of town (where I currently live), is too “fratty” for my taste, and is also becoming a victim to gentrification (they are closing down some of the top bars/clubs in the area to build housing for a growing student population.)
  • People from UCF look at everything in their own little worlds, most of them come from other states/cities anyways.
  • Downtown Orlando in the day time is a fucking ghost town.
  • I am SICK of outdoor shopping malls being a primary draw for people to hang out at.
  • Once again, the only form of culture I see in Orlando is when people from other places come to Orlando b/c of Disney and the theme parks I cannot afford. (Yeah, people here buy annual passes or have hookups with people who work for those places.)
  • I’m a fucking city kid, and Orlando is very suburban.
  • I will miss the beach though, but before I was driving I spent years in Orlando without going to a beach even once.
  • I do like warm weather year round, but it isn’t enough to ball and chain me here in Orlando.
  • People still go DERP whenever I ask/talk about vegetarian food.
  • If you don’t have money, then do not expect to find a girlfriend fellas. Especially in O-Town. (I am talking from a bigger picture consensus, I know a lot of you non gold digging ladies exist in small amounts.)
  • In general it is hard to get anywhere with people in Orlando if you don’t already have a proven track record. It is difficult to start something organically in this town.
  • I’m going to say it. Orlando is fucking ghetto.
  • I’m trying to think of more things to list, and granted if I lived a different lifestyle, I am sure there would be. Basically what I am saying here, is that YES a city’s local music scene is CRITICALLY important to me, since that is what I spend the majority of my time doing. I frequent clubs and concerts at night, I do not attend house parties, nor do I go on weekend fishing trips. To some of you, this will sound like first world problems, but to people who do the same things I do, then you will probably relate to this in some way. (Go back to your country clubs/driving ranges or go walk your poodle if you disagree, my existence is not of importance to you.) I would love to hear from the few of you who may have actually found solace in some of the places I have indirectly condemned with this post. I understand pretentiousness exists in all corner’s of the world or that I am possibly labeling people too much, but it isn’t me who initially thinks this way. Other people (especially considering my nightlife-centric lifestyle) pigeonhole people into these categories, not me. Basically, you’re either dressed to the nines or you’re a homeless hipster here in O-Town. Even the ragers that wear similar styles as myself typically go to the “dressed to the nines” clubs I don’t belong in.

    Orlando is an ok place to VISIT, but not to LIVE. I want to be somewhere that is less concerned with the homogenization and the temporarity of people coming and going, and somewhere that actually cares about it’s townspeople. Somewhere you can actually get a start on life.

    I haven’t announced yet where I am planning to relocate to in August, but I would LOVE to hear your feedback on this. It’s Saturday afternoon with me typing all this, so I’m sure there may have been a few things I have forgotten.

    hahahaah, this is funny.


About butteryobread

BUTTER YO BREAD! A PLACE TO GET YOUR BREAD BUTTERED! BRING THE LOTION! Writing about music, art, and anything else which makes you wanna butter some bread!
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3 Responses to Reasons I am moving out of Orlando.

  1. kkkkkkkkkkk… Come to Brasil!!! =D

  2. sparklefish says:

    I live in Orlando too and I also fucking hate it. 🙂

  3. RyanT282 says:

    I agree with most of what you stated about Orlando. It’s become a stinking, rotting ghetto, packed with violent crime, gangs, an incredibly high cost of living yet a very low standard of living. All the riff-raff has, in recent years, gravitated not just toward Whorelando but much of central Florida. I’m a native South Floridian but have lived northwest of O-Town for most of my life, and I can tell you that the lack of art, culture, and class is region-wide, from Ocala to at least Kissimmee. And don’t get me started on UCF, aka FratBoy City! I also thought that the surreal lack of single women was in my rural area and not Orlando, but every time I see pics of the paltry nightlife in Downtown, all I see are a few scantily-clad women strutting around, being ogled by dozens upon dozens of douchey-looking guys with their hands in their pockets. Central Florida is a horrible place to live for the under-60 crowd.

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